Storytime!! Fellas let’s stop trying to get phone #’s in the middle of the damn night.
Me: Walking home after Black Panther late night screening
Him #1: Miss! Miss!!
Me: Jumps into the street in case he wants to try something. “Yeah what up?” With the Brooklyn accent so he know I’ll rip his throat out with my bare teeth.
Him #1: (looking offended) Sorry I’m a school teacher!They’ve been busting out windows on this street. Just wanted you to know.
Me: Ok my bad! It’s 2am though 🤷🏽♀️ but thanks & goodnight.
Also Me: I wouldn’t give a fuck if you the Mayor. It’s late & we by a dark ass Park. Watch yourself.
I jump back in my ride & find west bubble fuck parking spot. Start walking again. Makes it to the main strip of my block.
Until I notice out the side of my eye strange man across the parkway.
Him #2: Talking to himself looking crazy as shit. He’s 4 lanes over on the other side of the parkway.
Me: is this motherfucker now stepping in pace to me?
Sings *I move, he moves just like that*
Also Me: Aww hell nah!
I start shuffling faster at now 2:30am by myself. No one else in sight & an empty useless NYPD squad car far the fuck off in the distance.
I’m so busy looking right as my wanna be crazy ass boyfriend walks with me. Not paying attention to my left flank.
So I’m wide open on the left passing houses and buildings.
My shadow stalker still keeping up pace. No cars in his way & nothing but opportunity between us.
Now don’t forget my right like I fucking did.
Him #3: Hey miss. Can I talk to you for a minute. You’re beautiful.
Me: 🙅🏽♀️👀 (shuffles faster)Damn man it’s too late for this shit! You the 3rd damn man. Plus psycho across the street following me.
Him #3: Stands up with his great height. Who Ma? Let me walk you home…
Me: 😡 nah man I’M GOOD! (with some bass in my voice)
By now I’m like fuck you Propark garage with your early damn hours!!
Also Me: Lee is looking kind of cute though during this witching hour.
Him #3: No disrespect beautiful. Seriously I see that crazy asshole. I’d like to walk you to your front door. Here hold my hand so he think we together.
Me: 🙄🙄 for fuck sake! Grabs stranger hand which is kind of nice & strong.
By now I’m exhausted & he’s tall as fuck plus polite.
We get to chatting about life & by the end he has my #
Me: Sir thanks for the escort. Call me whenever
Him #3: (cheese grin like he won the lottery) No thank you and I definitely will. Goodnight beautiful.
Off into the fog he goes. Lawd I made it!!